Poor Me...

I just deleted everything I had written for this post. I did it on purpose. I'm in one of those moods today! I just feel so frustrated with everything... the phone that won't stop ringing, the phishers that keep calling, the noise from the lobby, everything. I think I'm really upset because I know I'm losing my best friend. I used to see her every other weekend and we'd spend our time doing whatever we wanted! Now I might get to see her once a month and her boyfriend is always with her. I like her boyfriend, don't get me wrong, we get along great but I don't want to spend the only day I get to see her with him. It's not like he's going anywhere- they'll probably get married and that's okay with me but I just want to see HER sometimes. It hurts to think about it because she's always been there and I had always planned on her being there, I know that eventually I won't see her at all anymore. It probably wouldn't be so bad if my other friends weren't so... I don't know... they all have kids and we're only 21! I wish I could say that none of it matters and I'll find new friends but it should matter. Everyone should have friends that they're so close to and care so much about that it's painful to think of losing them. I guess life's just not fair

All things come to an end

Last Monday I got the call I knew I would eventually get, expected to get, but I didn't think it would be so soon. About lunch time my mom called me at work and in the calmest voice she could manage she told me to go talk to my boss and tell him I would have to take off for a while.... my grandmother was dying. We live 2 hours away so my mom and I both left work to pack and get to her. I was home in 15 minutes. My mom walked in not 5 minutes after me. Her eyes were full of tears and she choked on her words as she told me that my memaw was already gone. I never thought I would be so affected by that. We knew she was going to die... she fought Pancreatic cancer for 2 whole years. They told her she had 6 months originally... she never gave up

I've said before that she was a witch... she made Satan look friendly... she was and she did- and she knew it! I loved her though and I wish she hadn't suffered as much as she did, I know she was in a lot of pain... but she never complained too much. I regret that I didn't write down all the things she told me about our family and that I didn't ask more questions about what her life was like when she was younger. I'm sorry I didn't hug her the last time I saw her and that I only said "I love you, I'll see you next weekend." I'm sorry that I didn't do more for her and that I sometimes dreaded going to visit her. We saw her on Mother's Day, My mom and I took her a big basket of crazy daisies and a small plant. She absolutely loved them. My Uncle had come to see her as well. He brought her flowers and had a small gospel group sing for her. She loved music; she was in choir all through high school and college and was an accomplished pianist who could play the pants off any Henry Mancini song. My 3rd Cousins, Barb and Raymond, went to visit her that day too. They brought her a cheeseburger because they didn't know she was only allowed liquids because of the blockage in her intestines. We think that's what actually caused her death. Barb and Raymond can never know that. They would be so filled with guilt and it would surely haunt them for the rest of their lives. They're good people and don't deserve that. My grandma loved to eat... as you can tell from this picture that was taken not too long before she got sick...



She looked nothing like this when she died. She weighed 115 Lbs. She was literally skin and bones and it broke my heart to walk into the viewing a not even recognize my memaw. We had to put a picture of her when she was healthy in the room so that people would know it was her. I hate myself for not hugging her more and for not calling as often as I should have. I hate myself for not realizing how lonely she was when her best friends since middle school died. I wish I would have taken her to target so she could buy all the crap she doesn't need. I hate myself for not being there with her when she was dying and for not being able to hold her hand.
I’m angry because my Cousin Doug, a Pentecostal Minister, Talked a lot about family when he was doing her service but he spoke about the wrong family. My great grandfather had 21 brothers and sister and my great grandmother had 12. There were 2 sides to my great grandfather’s side – the Hortons and the Ellis’. Doug is from the Ellis side while we are from the Horton side. He went on and on about “Grandpa Ellis” who was my great uncle. He said nothing about the Horton side. I just felt that her parents were being left out of her own funeral. It could have been worse, I suppose.
Now all that’s left is closing her estate. I hate the idea of selling all of her things and giving them to strangers. They don’t know that the piano they just bought is the piano my memaw sat at and played “Baby Elephant Walk” for all of us grandchildren while we did out best baby elephant walk/dance. They don’t know those things, and they probably don’t care. It’s just going to get harder.

In Loving Memory
Paula Jeannine Horton Pierre
6/26/1936-5/15/2006

 

Global view of gas prices

Global view of gas prices


May 2: Imagine a place where drivers pay twice what we pay here for gas, or imagine living where gas is less than a buck a gallon. NBC's Ned Colt takes a global view of gas prices.








It's funny; I just had this conversation with my mother. I told her we should be thankful our prices have been so low for so long. Of course, she didn't see it that way. I'll never forget when I was a freshman in high school sitting in my German class... my German teacher was discussing the differences between Europeans and Americans with us (he was telling us how spoiled we are in the nicest way he could). I'll never forget how shocked I was to learn that they were paying nearly $4 a liter! That was when our summer prices were around $1.25 a gallon! Were griping about $3 a gallon and as of March Hungary, Portugal. France, Germany, UK, Sweden, Belgium, Denmark, and Italy have been paying OVER $5 a gallon. Norway and Netherlands have been paying over $6! I hate to imagine what Americans would do if we were paying those prices... *gasp* take public transportation?!? Many argue that we've never paid that much and we shouldn't have to. Why? Because were spoiled?!Everyone else in the world seems to know that except for us, imagine that. Don't get me wrong, I love being an American and all that comes with it... but sometimes I just don't understand our culture.

There is another side to gas prices though... Nigeria, Egypt and Kuwait all pay under $1 with the lowest price coming in at $0.12 in Venezuela. Enough to make you want to pack up and move? Didn't think so!

I guess we'll just have to suck it up and take it or look for other ways to fuel our cars. Electric, Ethanol, vegetable oil, peanut oil, solar... it's almost limitless- we just have to demand it. Supply and demand, get it?

Enough ranting for one day!



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Stephb0b

Have You Seen My Mind?

You know what completely irks me? I have absolutely no motivation to get anything done! I have all this crap to do and I could care less. That Moussaoui trial was today... that's the guy that pled guilty to the 9/11 conspiracies. They gave him life in prison. I don't really know how I feel about that. When he was leaving the courtroom he said “America you lost, I won". I'm surprised that they only gave him life, I really expected death. It seems like everyone in America has waited for SOMEBODY, anybody, to be held accountable for all those deaths. He played a part and he gets to live a cozy little life in a prison. The only thing that even really makes that bearable is that any guy that gets a chance to get near him in prison will probably take their anger out on him. Not that I'm saying violence is the best way to handle him, I don't really know how I feel... I'm just rambling. I was thinking today about how the rest of the world feels about it. Honestly, I don't even think they take much notice anymore... the same way Americans don't really take notice with the Madrid bombings or the London bombings... They're still a factor in their lives... every time they ride the underground I'm sure it's in the back of their minds. The same with us... I know every time I fly I look around at the people on the flight and wonder if any of them could possibly be capable of doing something like that again. I don't dwell on it though; it's more of a fleeting thought.

I got Seoul

So… I’m thinking about maybe possibly I miiiight try to do an ESL thing in Thailand or something. It’s a great way to travel and see the world without wondering if you’ll have a job when you get back. I looked at a couple of opportunities in Japan but it seems that the living arrangements they provide for you is pretty, for lack of a better word, crappy. It’s usually a 100 sqft apartment that they SAY every single person in Japan lives in but I find that hard to believe. Maybe they do, I dunno, I’m just a spoiled American who’s shoe closet is larger that 100 sqft! Plus the pay is pretty crappy. It’s about 30,000 JPY a month. Sounds like a lot right? It actually comes to about 265.137 USD… you can stop laughing now. If I were to work in S. Korea, however, I would be getting about 1,800,000 Won per month minimum. That’s about 1,923.679 USD. No, you don’t have to pay rent out of that and no bills but your part of your health insurance. (about 3% of your earnings) Apparently- from what I’ve read from a few places- rent isn’t bad and utilities are so cheap it makes you wonder why you’re living in America still. PLUS~ the company pays your airfare (roundtrip) plus you get 10 days vacation and extra months pay at the end of your contract. Someone tell me why I’m still here?!? The only major downside that I can see is the “yellow dust” season when all the toxic crap from the factories in China float on down to Korea. It’s kind of like Ozone days but about 10x worse. Any hoot, I guess that’s it for today. TTYL



Stephb0b

Numbro Uno

I'm moving my blog from MSN... So I'm Just going to move my initial post and this weeks stuff

I have to be honest in that I have had many previous blog attempts in the past, all failed… horribly. I’m making a promise to myself that I won’t let this one go down in flames the way the others did. Blogging is truly therapeutic either as the author or the reader of someone else’s blog. I’m going to start this one like I started the others but with one little change. I won’t focus on how intelligent I sound or what type of audience I want to read this. I’ll just be me for a change.

So… where to begin? I’m a 21 year old sometime student full time desk surfer from Dallas. I don’t really know where I’m going yet much less how I’m going to get there. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to help people… in any way I can. I decided a long time ago that before I ever thought about having children I would adopt. I think there are just too many kids in this world that don’t have anyone to call family, children starving, sleeping on the streets and just not being loved.

My best friend Katie and I would love to spend our entire lives helping people. We’ve always said we wanted to spend at least a year in Russia at the orphanages, time in Africa with Aids patients, maybe do some teaching in more remote areas and just whatever else might come to mind. Unfortunately, it’s a little bit more difficult to do these things than just deciding to do it. It cost so much just to fly over there and then to find housing and food. I’m working on my nursing degree before going on to med school (so that I will be able to work part time and still afford to eat) and would absolutely love to do Doctors Without Borders. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do things like that… It’s hard enough taking a couple of classes at night after coming home from work. I don’t know how some people do it. To top it all off I have this immense fear of failing and I don’t like to do things alone. Presently I’m trying to convince my friend to move 2 hours north to the middle of nowhere to go to school with me. Pretty crazy, right? I know. I just don’t like new things. I’m perfectly capable of doing things on my own, and once I get started there’s no stopping me… It’s just that little starting period that freaks me out.

Once I finish school I know I’ll be able to do all the things I want to and more. It just seems like such a long time from now. I have to double the normal amount of time it would take because I have to work full time so I can only take half of the classes one would normally take. If any of you out there feel you would like to help me out with my tuition, I’ll take it in a second, I’ll give you a free physical once I’ve finished.

I have the strangest gift for remembering the strangest things, trivia, theme songs… you name it, and I can probably tell you some stupid fact about it. I have this strange obsession with all things military and war related esp. WWII. I can sit and watch the history channel for days it seems.

Any hoot… that’s probably more than you ever really wanted to know about me. Come back though… keep me on my bloggin’ toes!





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