How May I Direct Your Call?

It’s Friday! I was laying in my bed this morning at 7:45 knowing I should have gotten up about an hour before, I was just so warm and comfy that I couldn’t bring myself to push the covers back and prepare for war. I mean… get dressed for work. Fridays used to be my favorite day, but not anymore. We here at Yum are on summer hours. Just what are summer hours, you ask? For most here it’s a wonderful thing that happens between June and August were you either go home at 1PM or 3PM on Fridays. I know- it sounds great! Not for poor little me, I’m stuck here alone until 5. Yeah, I know, I complain too much.
Every single person that has walked past in the last 15 minutes has stared at me. I’d like to think that it is because of my devastating good looks, but sadly, I know it’s only because they are wondering what the hell the large TV camera is pointed at me. The Facilities dept. is doing an informative video or two on the building and all the greatness that is YUM. Most new visitors are amazed when they come to find out that we take up the ENTIRE building. Its 9 floors that house the Pizza Hut chaos. We have the “secret” labs that they develop new pizzas in (yes, I’ve tried some), the paperwork hell that is Legal, grunts, the executives (or Leadership Team- in PH speak), and the spoiled brats that are International. That all comes down to about 900 employees. We have our own little city here. Need some Coffee? Try the Starbucks on 1. Spilled your coffee on your shirt? Take it to the drycleaners or just buy a new one at the company store. Grab lunch at either Taco BHell, KFC, PH, or whatever. Then take a ride on the company jet. This is the crap that’s been shoved down my throat for the last week. I think they just put all the crap in the building so we won’t have an excuse to leave. Leave and never come back….. Oh, sorry, fantasizing again. I do like my job, don’t get me wrong. It’s just a dream of mine to not HAVE to work. Do it because I like it. I know--- never gonna happen. I’ll always need the money for something. Any hoot… Have a great Friday!

Not the Ruler!!!!

I watched a movie, based on actual events, the other evening that completely made me cringe. The movie was about nuns, of all things. I know you’re asking yourself “what’s so bad about nuns?” Believe me when I tell you that compared to the completely vile film I watched last night about the last 10 days of Hitler’s life inside his bunker ( Der untergang), the nuns left a much more sour taste in my mouth. These poor girls were turned over to nuns in Ireland for being promiscuous, having children out of wedlock, or just plain flirting. This wasn’t like being giving up… these girls were told when they arrived that it was up to Mother Superior when they would be released, they couldn’t just leave when they reached adulthood. The girls slept in dormitories with 20-50 others; they woke at dawn to go to mass, ate breakfast (gruel), and were then forced to work in laundries, where they were not even permitted to speak, for absolutely no pay. They were locked in the convent and watched constantly. They were beaten and humiliated on a daily basis by the nuns themselves. The only way a girl could leave is if they were released (which didn’t happen) or if a family member claimed them. It sounds simple enough- but sometimes the families had no idea where their daughters were or what happened to them since a priest or member of the church could place them. If a girl acted out to often or too badly she might be committed to the sanatorium where she would rot for the rest of her life. Doesn’t sound all that uncommon for the time right? But what time are we talking about? Did you think I was talking about the early 1900s? I’m sorry, no, this actually took place in over a dozen convents for 180 years spanning all the way to 1996 when the last laundry closed, with the movie taking place in the 1950s/60s. In a time where in the rest of the modern world females were expressing themselves freely in every manner imaginable, these girls were being punished excessively for batting their eyelashes in the general direction of a male. Obviously I can’t even pretend to know anything about Irish laws or rights, it just seems so wrong. This all got me thinking- what if American girls faced harsher consequences for their promiscuous actions we wouldn’t have such a high teenage/young adult birth rate. I don’t care what anyone says- no one should have a child at 16! I don’t think anyone is ever REALLY ready for kids, but you’re certainly not at 16. My best friend, Katie, got pregnant her sophomore year in college. When she asked my opinion on what she should do, I told her- very bluntly, that I thought it would be selfish of her to even consider having it. I asked her how her child could possibly ever benefit from having a 20 year old mother who had yet to graduate college, who had never worked full time a day in her life, and who was still in party mode? What would happen the day her child asked her about their daddy? What would she say? Would she be honest and say “I was 20 sleeping with my 30 year old PROFESSOR, we weren’t in love, we didn’t have any feelings for each other except for lust and we never spoke outside of class again”? That’s devastating for a kid. She had an abortion a week after she found out. She says it was the best decision she could have made. She said it is easier to live with the “what ifs” than it would be to regret a human being. She made the mistake of telling me that if she and her current boyfriend of 3 years were to get pregnant that she would keep it. BIG mistake. That’s when I went on the “have you lost your fucking mind?!?” rant. Her situation hadn’t really changed- yeah she was working full time because she had dropped out of school, and she’s with someone that she loves and they live alone… in a 400 sqft shoebox… but the money situation hadn’t changed and it’s selfish to ask the government and taxpayers to pay for your kid when you KNEW before you even got pregnant that you couldn’t afford it. That’s just my opinion though… now go watch The Magdalene Sisters.

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 35% Conservative, 65% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Frozen Pizza

I’m moving in 7 months. In 7 months my best friend and I are packing up and moving 2.5 hours Northwest of here to go back to school full time. No work, no bill responsibilities besides school. My car will be paid off and I will be free as a fucking bird!
Being the “big boned” people that Katie and I are we’re hoping this will help us starve without starving ourselves…? We think we’ll probably be too poor to afford any food. My mom had a total change of heart from being totally against me going away to offering to pay my rent when I get there. Huh?? I think it’s going to be super hard for her and I feel so guilty about it because she’ll be alone. We’ve always been like best friends, as cheesy as that may sound. I was one of the lucky kids that got a really cool mom that’s always been there for me. People think we have a strange relationship- and we really do. We can yell and scream and cuss at each other all day long and then it flips and we’re cool. I appreciate her everyday.
Katie and I decided that it would be best not to live on campus with a bunch of crazy 18 year olds. We’ve been to school before, we’ve partied and done all the normal college stuff. We’re over it. I don’t want to party every night and drink until I vomit; I want to get my money’s worth!
We did have some really great drunk times, though. One weekend while visiting Katie in Waco at TSTC we had the best ER visit ever. After a long night of drinking, Katie, Nate (Katie’s boyfriend), Hillary, Talore (Katie’s roommate) and I were discussing the fact that John (a rather plump, flaming gay classmate) had come in and taken (he stole it!) a frozen pizza from the fridge. Moments later, John’s roommates burst in (without knocking!) and announce that the ambulance was her; John was going to the ER. He fell out of a window. Curiosity got the better of us, probably because we were still buzzin’ and probably shouldn’t have left the front yard, and we went to the ER to see John. Talore lied to the poor, gullible man at the front window and told him she was his cousin so we could get some info. At first all they told us is that he broke his leg in 3 places from a 2nd story fall. Ouch. We decided that he must have been sitting there fondling his frozen pizza, just ready to unwrap and nuke the bitch, when he heard Talore coming to beat his ass for stealing her pizza. John flung the pizza out of the window in a blind attempt to save himself. At that very moment he realized, no, that was not Talore, but just a wee kitten scratching at the door. He dove out the window in attempt to retrieve the tasty pizza before it was too late. The bush was not enough cushion for this fat man’s fall and he was left there, legs- broken and disfigured. HAH! Come to find out his roommates locked him in his room and he thought it would be cute to jump from his window to the stairs, pop in the front door with a “haha, surprise bitches!” and get the best of them. Well, fat men don’t fly! John’s dad came to see him and his only words were “son, you know we shoot horses with broken legs?”
Ah, the good ol’ days…

Pass the Butter.

I don’t know what’s been wrong with me for the past month or so- Like I’ve been a different person. That girl is dead. I sat on that bitch. I was all blah and boring and I hate that.
Moving on!
Hillary and I decided to go swimming for the first time this summer and also take her daughter swimming for the first time ever. This entire swimming adventure was quite comical.
Phase One – Preparation
We had to go to Target since Hillary needed a swim suit as did Amelia along with swim diapers. The diapers being the most important due to floaters. Any hoot, Hillary has always been a very small girl. At 5’1” and 100 lbs she was one of those girls that made you want to crack her right the fuck in half. Then she had Amelia. Hillary got fat, not fat in the sense that I’m fat. I’m fat like “where the fuck did my feet go?” She’s fat like “boo-hoo, looks like you can’t fit into your 10 year old cousin’s clothes anymore!” That is, until Sunday. While swim suit shopping she decided to go for the one piece instead of the usual 2 piece. Apparently they don’t carry junior’s one piece suits at Target. Huh?! Stuck with the bikini- we crossed out the small immediately. That might have covered her ass a year ago, but not anymore. We move to the medium, she refuses to try it on because she knows it will fit, I think it might fit- and it’s her fat ass that has to get into it.

Phase Two- Dress Rehearsal
We get back and she gets it on with the help of some sort of miracle, I’m sure. Should have gone for the large. She admits the large would have been a better fit. Big step for Hillary. Hillary has NEVER been a large in. her. Life. When we were 13 she could still were a 12/13… IN CHILDREN’S SIZES! She doesn’t think it’s that bad and I couldn’t care less.

Phase Three- Super Star!
At the pool she proceeds to swim in her tank top. This is new and foreign, Hillary, in more coverage than she has worn in a good 10 months. Wah?! It’s all gravy though... we’re having a good time. Then we get a glimpse of something dark and shiny coming in the pool’s direction. A large muscular gleaming Hispanic man probably late 20’s- early 30’s. Ordinarily would have been great eye candy except for the fact that he had obviously just oiled his chest and arms for the short walk from his apartment to the pool. Loser. Then he plops down in the chair and slathers himself in tanning oil and lights a large cigar. We both know it’s probably a cheap, nasty cigar he puffs on only for the look of it. How would we know this? Probably by the way he did his slim ball glance around the pool at the many women at the pool and when he would make eye contact… puff, puff. Who the fuck is he kidding?!
I then got a reality check when a fatty came to sunbath poolside, cellulite and all. At first I thought “what is this woman doing outside without a burqa on?” Then I thought about it and asked myself what I was doing outside without a burqa on. I then decided to applaud the fatty for her courage and for taking the fat attention of me.
I've paid for these horrible thought, I burned and now look a lot like a lobster, just add butter.

Why Do We Care So Much?

It's been awhile!

Since my last entry after my grandma died Lacie's (my friend since age 12) grandma died. It's really sad to lose your grandparent when you're only in your twenties. I wished that mine would live long enough to see their great grand children like I did. I have the best memories of going outside with her, rollers in my hair and all, to feed the chickens. That was, of course, before she got Alzheimer's and forgot who I was. I think my future children would have really loved my grandmother. She was so old fashioned in so many of her ways and so full of life in others. Every year she took me to the Air Force base shows in Wichita Falls. We got to see all sorts of things, from the B-2 Spirit Stealth Bomber complete with armed guards (which was very intimidating for a seven year old) to big band shows. It always seemed to revolve around the base though, which wasn't bad, they provided excellent entertainment for the town and their employees. My grandma worked for Civil Service's logistics for 37 years. Wow.


On another note I heard something on the radio Saturday night that really made me think. A couple who had

been married for quite some time and the husband decided to get a sex change to be a female.

The couple was going to stay together but would then be considered a lesbian couple, right? So how, under the laws prohibiting gay marriage, would this work? They're already married? Good loop hole, if it works. I think eventually they'll all be able to marry legally. It's not an issue of whether or not every one agrees with it, or because the bible says it's wrong, it's a rights issue. The biggest problem with Christian America is them shoving their beliefs down other's throats. So what you're bible says it's wrong, maybe they don't read your bible. We're all so quick to judge other's based on or beliefs! What if everyone else did the same? What if every time you popped into a restaurant or fast food joint to sit down and eat that yummy hamburger or that juicy steak you had to deal with a mob of angry Hindus protesting against eating beef. It's your right to eat beef, isn't it?

Who cares if the cow is holy to the Hindus! That's not what you believe, and you know what you believe is right! Right?

Get over yourselves.




I'm so sick of all this Brangelina baby talk!

I really don't care what it looks like, it's a kid, not a work of art! All of these people jumping at the bit to see this kid is just insane, it's not like they're taking on Michael Jackson's style of parenting- we'll all see her one day-

sans veil, I'm sure.